Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Poetry of my pain

April 8th, 2015

I woke up happy
I woke up cheery
Ready to face the day
With joy and optimism
I had made my schedule
I wanted to stick to it
So I did.
Laundry day is Wednesday
So laundry I began today.
But then you started to call
You had your two children.
You should be able to handle them
Why must you call me to help you then?
I offer you to come over here with them
But you decline,
I accept this. I’ll see you after 2 loads,
But before the first load is barely, you explode
Texting me,
Calling me,
Complaining to me
I have no clue what to say to pacify you
But you’re blaming me
Saying I’m a liar
Saying I never keep my word
I was going to come over,
But then you started insulting me
Making me feel like I’m in an abusive relationship
I don’t want to be in an abusive relationship
You’re saying I’ll never be able to hold down a job
I’ll never have a career
Because I can’t keep my promises
I’m trying to keep my promises
But you make it difficult
But I know, in my heart, that in order for me to keep my promises
I must first be able to keep the promises I make to myself
That’s why I made a schedule
A schedule for me to keep
A schedule for me to do things by
Wednesday was my free-est day,
So I made it laundry day.
Why it seems like a mundane task to you
It is a chore that I need to do
A chore I need to keep up with
But you seem to think that it is an excuse
An excuse made up by me because I don’t want to be social
Sorry, but I don’t believe that watching your kids is social
I don’t complain to be outside while inside at your house
I do complain about being outside
Because your garage is gross and makes me feel sick
And you seem to love to bring me outside in weather when you know I shouldn’t be outside
Are you aware of how much your words hurt?
How much your words affect me?
I’m tired of this.

I just can’t deal with this.

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