PMS

 I feel horrible. I can't get comfortable. For a first time in a while, I don't have painful cramps. But I feel like I'm a leaky faucet. I can feel the blood leaking out from me. Like why is my body like this? Why am I unable to sleep? Why do I not feel any energy to do anything? Why can't I get comfortable?

I locked myself in the bathroom today. Filled the bathtub with water so hot, it shocked my system and felt like it was burning me. I began crying and knew I didn't want to be found by my fiance that way. I love him and I don't want him to worry. I just don't want to feel like this anymore.

Since 2006, I have had issues while on my period. I experience a sharp pain on one side of my body where I believe my ovary is. It is typically in my left side though sometimes it moves to my right. I normally have a heavy, chunky flow. I remember seeing blobs of blood the size of a small slug on my pad.

When I got on birth control, the blood flow got lighter and more manageable. The pain wasn't as bad as it was before. However, that only lasted a year. While my flow isn't as heavy as before, the pain has returned. It is like when it first started. The same pain on one side of my body, usually the left. 

I went to see a doctor at Planned Parenthood. They told me my uterus was shaped like a bull's head. It was apparently rare. It could lead to a baby being developed out of the uterus. I don't remember the proper name of it. However, when I went to another OBGYN through Kaiser, I was told my uterus was normally shaped. They couldn't find anything. There have been no answers. There have been theories, but no actual answers. 

I worry. Because the pain becomes so great that I want to cut out my uterus. I feel like I want to die just to make it stop. Not just the pain, the uncomfortableness and the feeling of myself just leaking. 

I want answers. I want to know why it seems like my body and brain are against me. Especially during my cycle. But at the same time. I went to the doctor so many times in search of answers, my bosses complained that I was out too often to visit the doctor. I can't really afford the doctor visits either. 

I'm just... in some kind of limbo right. I don't want to feel the way I do. I don't want to have the thoughts that I'm currently having. I want answers, but I can't really afford to go get those answers either. And so I'm in this cycle of pain, suicidal thoughts, wanting answers but unable to go get them and still afford to to pay my bills. It feels like I'm in a lose - lose situation. 

Pokemon Shining Pearl Ep13 Gym Badge Acquired

CaisideXDonald Oneshot

Caiside flipped the page in the book slowly as he watched Donald in his book fort. Several opened books were laid out around him as he scribbled notes in the spiral notebook on his knee. Donald’s pen sporting a cute herding dog on the top. Caiside, however, was bored while his partner studied the day away. He glared at the setting sun outside the window. He had wanted to do so many things today. It was bright and sunny with a light breeze. Prefect for just about any outside activity you could think of.

While bright sun wasn’t the best for a Kelpie like Caiside, he was willing to deal with it. But Donald had vetoed that option. The witch had to study some spell or other for some random test that Bethel would give him.

Caiside didn’t understand why the 26 year old Donald needed to study all the time. Take stupid, pointless tests every 4 months or so. But Donald stated that studying was just a part of being a witch. After all, witches needed to practice their craft to maintain it. While Donald’s Aunt Bethel was recognized as a sorcerous for having a high level of magic and ability to use said magic, it was all granted to her via studying and practice. 

Caiside, while understanding, really just wanted snuggles with his partner. But NOOO, studying was needed. Caiside clenched his teeth in annoyance as he noticed Donald squinting. He had, however, been asked to be quiet. And when Caiside didn’t comply, Donald cast a silence spell on himself. The kelpie was shocked when his love had the nerve to use a spell to make himself deaf to just not hear him. 

Caiside snapped the book close. The silence spell was still active on Donald’s ears since he didn’t register it. He rolled his eyes, his annoyance simmering. He glanced over again at his partner. Donald’s brown eyes sparkling as he absorbed and took notes on whatever spell it was he was studying. His brown hair trying to fall into his eyes. Caiside felt all his anger seep away. How dare Donald be so cute? It made it too hard for Caiside to stay mad for long. 

Caiside pulled out the laps and lanterns from every spare closet he could find in the house. It took several extension cords and several candles, but Caiside made the dim library shine like it was a Christmas day light parade. Caiside plopped down on the uncomfortable library couch with a proud smile. Now it was so bright, Donald could study until midnight and beyond until he was satisfied with whatever it was he needed to know for that test.

Caiside closed his eyes briefly before feeling a poke in his cheek. He opened an eye to look up at Donald, who didn’t look too pleased. He felt a nagging incoming from that expression. He reached up and grabbed Donald by the front of his navy sweater. Pulling him down for a soft kiss. “Hey, how are the books?”

Donald chuckled. He was annoyed at being bent over at such an angle. However, Caiside was worth a little back pain. “I just finished. But where did you get all of these lights so I can put them away?”

Caiside shrugged. “Closets.” 

“You don’t happen to remember which closets?”

Caiside smirked, “Nope.”

Donald shook his head, “Well come on, we need to put them back.”

“Only for snuggles.” Caiside demanded as he sat up. 

Donald smiled as he pushed some of Caiside’s hair out of his face. “Sure. You can have all the snugs.”

Caiside nodded, enjoying the victory. 

It took only 30 minutes to put all the laps, lanterns, and string lights away. Donald commented about how they had so many string lights and wondered where they all came from. Caiside didn’t care. He was getting snuggles and that’s all that mattered. 

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